Third time lucky? After three consecutive days of trying, I managed to book an appointment with a counsellor for next Monday. Apparently for new patients it’s harder to get in but once you’re no longer new, it’s easier. Each session will only be 30 minutes, which isn’t long but I’m hoping to at least get something out of it, even if it’s just being able to say stuff I’ve never said out loud before. A lot of people probably don’t see counsellors or therapists and all that as something worth trying, but even having someone listen and take you seriously (even if it’s their job) could be really relieving. It’s hard to feel safe to speak your mind and heart in society without fear of judgement.
I had an odd encounter yesterday. Someone who I have only done two units with at uni, and not even really talked to during those units, spotted me at Chaddy and said hey. As much as I fear social interactions like that which invite small talk, especially when they’ve got friends listening in right beside them, it’s something that actually made me happy for a while. The fact that someone doesn’t even know me but bothered to smile and say hi? I’ve always kind of done the whole “I never saw you” thing when I recognise someone because all these thoughts run through my head like what if I say hello and they’re really cold to me, or what if I’m just going to be bothersome, or maybe they don’t like me and think I’m weird? Now this person I know for a fact is rather sociable and knows at least 3 people in every room. So maybe that’s something I could start out with? Sounds like a relatively baby step I could handle. Just saying hi.